What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Over the next few weeks I stayed away from my mother as much as possible. I was barely around on the weekends when my father was home, because I was so angry with him. I knew I had to keep it all inside, because it would cause my mother a lot of heart ache if I were to let it out.
A person given to anger is a person controlled by anger. It may be subdued and suppressed, but it's still there. You can't hide it long. It will find its way out. Anger can twist your emotions and your way of thinking.
"In your anger do not sin" Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27
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In February of 1993, on a Friday evening, my mother drove me to a garage in Hudson Falls to pick up my Rambler. Once we got there and I started it up; I noticed that I was almost out of gas, and I didn't have my gas key. My mother told me she would take me back on Saturday with the gas key. But I had planned to go to my friends Brandi's house after I had picked up the car anyway; some friends were going to hang out and party. So I drove my car to her house, and she could take me home the next day, so I could pick up my gas key. I drove as fast as I could to Brandi's house, because I was anxious to start partying with her and all our friends. When I started to slow down at the intersection near her house, I started hearing really strange noises from the engine of my car. After I came to a complete stop, the engine stalled and then a cloud of smoke came from the radiator. I knew I had overheated the engine from the smell, but I didn't know how bad it was until the next day, when a mechanic/friend Todd came over to look at it.
Todd told me that the engine was ruined because the pistons were melted to the engine block. I was devastated because I loved my Rambler, and I knew it would cost a lot of money to get it fixed. I made arrangements with Todd to have it towed to his garage and stored until I knew what I was going to do with it.
A couple weeks went by; and I still didn't know what I was going to do, and before I was able to make up my mind, I got fired from Manchester Wood. The conveyer belt on the machine I was operating ripped in two before I was able to shut it down. I was told that I was fired because of negligence. I disagreed, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I tried to stay optimistic about all the things that were going wrong, but it was really bringing me down.
My mother encouraged me to keep my head up, and within a week and a half, I found another job at the Hookery, in Vermont, with the help of a friend of mine. He also gave me a ride to work every day, because it was too far to walk. Ironically, I got fired before I was able to put in my 2 weak notice at the Hookery, after I found a job that paid much better.
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The next two weeks were like a well needed vacation. I already had another job lined up, so I didn't have my mother getting on my case about not having a job. She was a little disappointed that I got fired, but she couldn't understand the reason for it either.
During that time, my mother let me use her car as long as I got up in the morning to take her to work. I got permission from a guy my brother-in-law knew, to build a lean to on a mound that was created from working a quarry pit many years ago.
It had been something I wanted to do since late September of 1992, when my brother-in-law, Mike, and I climbed to the top of the mound to get a better view of Green pond. While we were there checking out the view, a flock of Canadian Geese flew over us and landed in the pond. Then another flock came, and another. As the geese circled around in a formation for their landing, they would fly right over us. Some of the geese were so close to us that we probably could have jumped up and touched them.
I remember being so upset that I didn't have my camera, because it was such a beautiful sight. I really wanted to capture what I saw that day with my camera. But it was too late in the season, so I knew it would have to wait until the following year.
Since Dave Straub was also waiting for our employer to give him a call to find out when he would start working at Locker Masters, he agreed to help me build the lean to.
Over the next couple of weeks, Dave and I were able to get a lot more done on the Lean to. Then, one day we heard a voice say, “What are you guys doing up there?”
Dave and I turned around, and saw a man standing twenty feet away holding a shovel. Dave asked me, “Do you know this guy.” I replied, “No” Then I asked the man. “Who wants to know?” He replied, “I'm the owner of the last camp on this side of Green Pond.”
I introduced myself and then waited for Dave to do the same, but he looked at me and said, “I'm not going to tell him who I am, when he comes up here with a shovel and starts demanding information.”
Before I could finish telling Dave to calm down, the man raised the shovel up in the air and asked us again, “What are you guys doing up here?” I replied, “Sir, there's no reason for you to yell at us. We have permission from Jason Dobbs, who owns this property, to build a lean to up here. So you need to calm down and put that shovel away.” He lowered the shovel and asked me for my full name. I gave him my full name and told him he could call Jason Dobbs, if he didn't believe me. After that he started walking back down to his camp.
When the man was out of sight, I told Dave that I couldn't believe what had just happened. We both agreed he had some serious issues, and then Dave stated, “You shouldn't have given him your full name.” I told Dave I was trying to be as calm and cooperative as I could, because I wasn't sure what he was going to do, and I didn't want anything to prevent me from being able to build the lean to.
We started working on the lean to again, but about an hour later the man came back up the mountain and said, “I just got off the phone with the Granville police and they told me that you have been arrested for trespassing a few times. I also called Mr. Dobbs and he doesn't know anything about what you're doing up here, so you guys need to leave right now, or I am going to call the cops.”
We started picking up our supplies, but then Dave asked, “How do you even know he called Mr. Dobbs?” I replied, “I don't. But that's why we’re leaving. I want to go home, so I can call Mr. Dobbs and find out what's going on.”
Once I got home, I called Mr. Dobbs to find out what was going on. He answered the phone and I told him who I was. I asked him if he knew that his son, Brian, gave me permission to build a lean to on his property.
He told me he didn't know anything about it, and he didn't think it was a good idea for me to be up there. I thanked him for his time and apologized for any inconvenience I may have caused, even though I was really bummed out about his decision.
Later on that night I told my mother what had happened, and she could tell how upset I was. She told me I should write Mr. Dobbs a letter and explain why I wanted to build a lean to up there. I took her advice, because I thought there was a chance, he might change his mind after he read the letter I was going to write. When I got done writing the letter, my mother typed up a rough draft for me, so I could make any corrections. Then the following day, she typed it up again, and I mailed the letter to Mr. Dobbs.
The letter to Mr. Dobbs
My name is Darin Conway. I am 22 years old. I come from a Christian family, and I make good money working for (Locker Masters). I am also in the Army Reserves.
You already know my intentions for writing this letter. I just hope I am not being a nuisance. I just want you to know what this means to me before you decide.
I am a dreamer and I finally found my dream. Actually, I have been a dreamer all my life. When I was a child, my dreams were usually wild and crazy ones that would never come true. As I got older, my dreams started to blend into reality, and with a little effort and determination, they are beginning to come true.
Believe it or not, Green Pond is a part of my dream with building the lean-to, so that I can take pictures of wildlife and God's beautiful creation, and so I can be alone and write with only the birds singing. The only distraction would be a dream come true.
In closing I would just like to say everyone starts somewhere. My biggest starting point is Green Pond and a lean-to. When my dreams become a reality, I am going to write a book on how I got started.
Thank you for your time
Sincerely
Darin Conway
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Over the next couple of weeks, I was working on the road a lot. Whenever I was home, I would ask my mother if she had heard anything from Mr. Dobbs. It was always the same answer every time I asked.
After a while, I figured I wasn't going to hear from him, so I decided to go up to the lean to and grab the tarp and blankets that I had left up there. When I was walking up the mountain, I saw the tarp in a quarry pit along with the blankets I had left there.
After seeing my things in the quarry pit, I started walking as fast as I could. I thought everything Dave and I had built was destroyed. When I got around the quarry pit, I could see the base of the lean to, and as I got closer, I was relieved to see that everything was still intact. I was really upset that someone threw my stuff in to the quarry pit. I had a pretty good idea who did it, but there was nothing I could do about it. I thought about getting even, but I didn't want to ruin my chances of being able to go to Green Pond ever again, so I let it go.
After leaving that day, I realized I would never be able to finish the lean to, even if I did get permission. It would probably end up getting destroyed, but I wasn't going to give up trying to capture what I saw when I was up there with my brother-in-law, Mike.
For years, I tried to capture Canadian Geese with my camera. Every fall, I would go up to the mount, and wait for the Canadian Geese to fly overhead, and land in Green Pond. But every time I was up there, they never came.
I finally gave up a few years later, after watching a Walt Disney movie called Fly Away Home. I knew I would never be able to capture the pictures they had gotten, when they filmed that movie. I decided to spend my time trying to capture new images, instead of trying to capture images that had already passed me by.
Many years have passed since that day, and when I look back at my past, I see my life as a story that can be told by using photographs. I have collected from family albums and photographs that I had taken over the years.
In July of 2007, I purchased a MacBook Pro, fully loaded for four thousand dollars, so I could organize all the work I had done over the last sixteen years. I knew this tasking was long overdue, because of all the work I had already done, since I became a Navy Photographer in December 2000. I still didn't have a clue what I was getting myself into.
After transferring from the USS Harry S Truman to Joint Forces Command in September of 2007, I moved back to Hampton Virginia and lived out of my Wilderness Advantage Travel Trailer at Big Bethel Campground.
There I committed myself to organizing hundreds of CD's, and going through thousands of negatives, and pictures. It took months to organize all my photographs into subfolders that were created to be able to tell the story I had dreamt about telling so many years ago. It was harder than what I thought, because I had to organize pictures by memory, and after putting all the photos into subfolders, I had to edit them digitally. Some of the negatives I scanned were old and damaged.
Over the time that I was editing the photographs on Photoshop, I was able to think about the pictures I would need to complete the sub folders that I created. Once I had a list, and I was able to take leave to go home, I would go to different locations and take the photo's needed to complete my story.
In September of 2008, I went home and hiked up to the top of the mount where I had built my Lean to with Bob Lyng. I couldn't believe how much different everything looked while we were up there. I couldn't see the pond anymore because of how much the trees had grown, so it was nothing like what I remembered.
Click arrow on the right to go to the next photograph.
I ended up taking a picture of what was left of the lean to. Then I had Bob take a picture of me of where I was so many years ago, when the Canadian Geese flew over my head. After editing the pictures that we took, I wasn't sure if I would use them or not. But now that I am writing this story, they have found their place.
As I write, I can't help thinking about the letter that I wrote Mr. Dobbs sixteen years ago, and where I am today, especially with what I wrote for the closing of the letter. In closing, I would just like to say everyone starts somewhere. My biggest starting point is Green Pond and a lean-to. When my dreams become a reality, I am going to write a book on how I got started.
I may have never captured what my bother- in-law, Mike. and I saw that day, but I will never forget it, because it played a part of where I am today
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Learning the basics of photography
By the end of August, I had to sell my Rambler to George Ludwig for five hundred dollars, because George didn't have enough work to keep me employed. And I owed him two hundred dollars, because he had loaned me some money, so I could purchase another camera from his stepfather.
I probably should have waited until I had a steady job before I made a deal with George, because I was getting behind on my bills. My parents were really getting on my case, because I was spending a lot of my time taking pictures, when I should have been looking for a job.
This is a transfer my wife Briana helped me do with a photograph I took when I started to getting into photography.
I know now that my priorities were messed up, but all I wanted to do was spend my time out in the woods with my friends who were scouting for deer. I wanted to take long drives out in the country, to take pictures of deer gazing in the pastures right before sunset.
It was so much fun, and it was such a good opportunity to practice what I had learned from Mrs. Vengeant. She taught me the basics of photography. Mrs. Vengeant was my sixth-grade art teacher, and she loved teaching art and photography. She had a gift with children and loved helping people. After she agreed to teach me the basics of photography, she told me she was a little hesitant. I was one of the only two students that she ever sent to the principal's office for misbehaving in her art class.
I understood why she sent me, but there was a misunderstanding. I was near a classmate of mine, who she was correcting from across the room, and he started to mimic her. His whole body was shaking, because he was a heavy-set guy, so she could tell what he was doing without seeing his face.
Before he was done, she told him to go the principal's office for mimicking her. His jaw dropped, and I couldn't help but to burst out laughing, after I saw his facial expression. I reassured her that I wasn't laughing at her, or what he was doing, because it had nothing to do with that. It was because he got caught, and his facial expression that made me laugh.
We made plans to go to a cemetery one day in the fall, because it would be secluded and there wouldn't be any distractions. She taught me how to set my camera controls to get the correct exposure, because I didn't have an automatic camera. She explained that the lens diaphragm is used in conjunction with the shutter of the camera to control the amount of light to expose the film.
Then she explained, that when the diaphragm or aperture of the lens, which is the opening through which light passes is very large, only the object that the lens is focused on is in sharp focus. As the diaphragm opening is reduced, more objects in a scene, both in front and behind the point of focus become sharper.
She showed me how to control the aperture by adjusting the diaphragm or iris. Then she told me, each setting of the diaphragm is called an f/stop. After that, she showed me that my camera automatically adjusted the shutter speed, when I changed the f/stop.
When I felt comfortable with the different camera controls, she taught me depth of field by taking multiple pictures of a statue in the cemetery. I wrote down that I started from f/16 and ended at f/2.8. It was a total of five pictures.
She told me to write down my setting, so I would be able to see the difference in each photograph I took using the different f/stops. She wanted me to use the photographs as a reference, when I went out shooting again.
The next day I picked up the roll of film I dropped off at Ames department store and picked up some construction paper. I wanted to glue the photographs to it and mark them with the f/stop and shutter speed that I used for each one.
When I finished my project, I was really excited. It really helped me understand depth of field, and that evening I practiced what I had learned, while I was taking pictures of deer.
Again, I am very thankful for Mrs. Vengeant. I think she would have been very proud of me with what I have accomplished. I only wish she were still alive, so that she could see how far I have gone since she taught me the basics of photography
Deeper Meaning of Revelation
By the middle of September, I got a job working at a farm (Walkers) in Fort Ann, through a friend of mine, Ted Cosey. I was hired to work in the feed department with three other guys, including Ted, who was the supervisor.
I took advantage of some of the benefits of working there by cleaning out one of the houses on the farm, so I could have a place of my own to live in. The agreement was that if I cleaned out the side addition of one of the houses on the farm, I could move in, and they would deduct the amount of money used to pay the electric bill from my weekly paycheck. But they weren't going to turn on the heat, since I wasn't going to be using the whole house.
By the end of the month, I was all moved in with everything that I needed to live comfortably. I ended up buying a kerosene heater so that I would have heat, which worked out really well. It was a lot of work, but it was worth it, because I didn't have to live under my father's rules anymore.
I loved the fact that I was living and working on a farm. I really liked my job, because I was able to use some of the heavy equipment like the pay loader and bobcat. My co-workers and I worked hard and had a lot of fun. Since Ted was my supervisor, he allowed us to play hacky sack, after all our work was done. It was a good incentive to get everything done, so we could play hacky sack until the end of the workday.
While I was working at the farm, I got reacquainted with a friend of mine Matt Holcomb who went to Truthville Christian school. It had been about four years since I had seen him, and after we got reacquainted, I couldn't believe how much we had in common. We both loved nature and being out in the woods.
One day he introduced me to caving/spelunking. We didn't go very far into the cave, because we didn't have the proper gear for how steep the cave was, so we made plans to go again and make a camping trip out of it, but our plans changed after he started a relationship with a girl who worked in the barn with him.
It bummed me out that his relationship with his new girlfriend came between some of the adventures I thought we were going to experience with each other, but I wasn't going to let it stop me from exploring the rest of the cave.
We tied off to a nearby tree outside the cave entrance, so that we could repel into the cave and continue past the point where Matt and I had to stop, because of how steep the cave got. After we repelled to an area where the cave was more level, we unhooked our harnesses, checked our gear, and started exploring the rest of the cave.
We stopped frequently to take pictures and to make sure we weren't missing any other passages.
There were a few places were the cave opened up and we could stand straight up, and do some climbing, but most of the time we were on all fours crawling through narrow passages.
It was a lot of fun until my knees and elbows, started feeling the effects of crawling on all fours for so long. It took us two and a half hours to get to the end of the cave, but only an hour and a half to get back out. It wasn't until I got out of the cave that I realized how stale the air inside the cave was, because of how good it felt to breath in fresh air again.
We took our time packing up our gear into my car because we were really tired, and we were talking about how much fun we had exploring the cave. After we packed all our gear into my car, we drove down the Mountain on a dirt road. By the time we got to the highway, I was daydreaming while I was listening to music about our adventure, but then I started thinking about what Michelle and I studied in Revelation.
“All these are the beginning of sorrows.” Matthew 24:8
The Shaking of the Earth (6:12)
Jesus Himself said there would be “earthquakes in various places” in the end times. (Matthew 24:7; Mark 13:8; Luke 21:11) From the new millennium until the end of 2011 there has been a total of 21,834 earthquakes in the world with the magnitude ranging between 5 - 9.9 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earthquakes_in_2011
During 2020, there were 8 quakes of magnitude 7.0 or above, 109 quakes between 6.0 and 7.0, 1637 quakes between 5.0 and 6.0, 12293 quakes between 4.0 and 5.0, 37519 quakes between 3.0 and 4.0, and 82200 quakes between 2.0 and 3.0.
The Old Testament prophets predicted the same thing. (Ezekiel 38:19; Joel 2:10; Amos 8:8; Haggai 2:6). The prophets and The Prophet said, God’s judgment would be accompanied by earthquakes. The shaking of the earth has often accompanied great movements of God in history. The earth shook when Moses received the Law. (Exodus 19:18); when Jesus died on the cross (Matthew 27:51); and at the resurrection (Matthew 28:2). Given the history of predictions or earthquake and occurrence of earthquakes, it is reasonable to expect the earthquake of the sixth seal to be a literal one.
The Darkening of the Sky (6:12)
The darkening of the sun is not a new phenomenon either. It happened during the plagues on Egypt, at Mount Sinai, and at the Crucifixion of Jesus. And the prophets included such a thing in predictions of the end times. (Joel 2:30-31; Zephaniah 1:15; Isaiah 13:9-10; Ezekiel 32:7). Jesus also said the sun would be darkened in association with the Tribulation (Mark 13:24). Such a phenomenon will totally disrupt life on planet earth if it occurs over an extended time–a black sun and a blood-red moon (6:12).
The contrast between darkness and light in Scripture has implications in many realms. Most crime is committed at night. Most depression sets in at night. Satan and sin are associated with darkness. We can only imagine how prolonged darkness across the face of the earth will impact those days. In Pharaoh’s case, after only three days he demanded that Moses remove it (Exodus 10:22-24). Since food cannot grow with sunlight, what will happen to the world’s food supply
The Falling of the Stars (6:13)
The “stars of heaven” which John saw falling to earth are possibly what we would call today
meteors or asteroids–not the stars which we see in the heavens on a clear night. Many of those stars are larger than the earth and light years from us. More likely these are falling or shooting stars which will pummel the earth. While there is no record of asteroids hitting the earth in the manner described by John, scientists have long considered it a possibility.
On the night of November 13, 1833, the earth apparently passed through a meteor shower as the sky was filled with the trails of meteorites burning up in the earth’s atmosphere. Many people thought the prophecies of Revelation 6 were beginning to happen and the end of the world was at hand. That obviously wasn’t the case, but it provided a brief preview of what the falling stars John saw might be and look like. John says the stars “fell to the earth,” so if they are meteorites, they would have to be huge in order to pass completely through the earth’s atmosphere without burning up as most smaller meteorites do. Could God not arrange for the earth to pass through such an extended bombardment at that exact time?
A shaking earth, a black sun, a red moon, meteors hitting the earth, bodies of water causing untold damage, and tidal waves across the globe. The sixth seal brings increasing calamity to planet earth.
The Moving of the Mountains and the Islands (6:14)
This is probably tied into the phenomena Dr. Morris described above. Scientifically; we may not know how to describe what is going to happen in those days. But theologically, even emotionally, we can imagine it better. It is as God has reached down to planet earth with His hands and is shaking the earth–causing everything to come loose. The writer to the Hebrews says the day is coming when God says, “Yet once more I shake not only the earth, but also heaven” (Hebrews 12:26 Haggai 2:6)
The Cry of the Wicked/ Sins horror (6:15-17)
Sometimes we think that the “powerful people” on earth are not frightened by the things which shake the rest of us. But something so horrible is coming upon planet earth that “the kings of the earth, the great men, the rich men, the commanders, the mighty men, every slave and every free man” will try and hide themselves from the events of those days (6:15) The whole fabric of human society is represented–no one will be exempt from the judgment of God. There seems to be an intuitive fear expressed by those who do not even profess to know God that what is happening is coming from the hand of God Himself: For the great day of His wrath has come, and who is able to stand?” (6:17) The events of the sixth seal of God’s response to the horror of sin. No human being can argue with God when they see His divine displeasure at work.
Sin's Hiding
The human instinct is to hide when we are confronted with sin. Whether it’s a child who’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, or an adult being confronted with rebellion against God; we seek to hide ourselves from holiness. Nobody sins in the open. It always takes place in solitude or behind closed doors or under the cover of darkness. Adam and Eve hid from God in the Garden of Eden and we, their descendants, have been doing likewise ever since. Sin makes us hide. During the Great Tribulation people will hide themselves any way they can, seemingly to protect themselves from physical harm, but in reality, to protect themselves from the all-seeing God. Thankfully, through Jesus Christ, we no longer have to hide from God because the guilt and shame of our sin has been removed.
Sins Hardens
Sin so hardens the heart that even when confronted by God, people would rather die than repent and be forgiven. John sees people crying out, praying, in a sense, to the mountains to fall on them and shield them from the presence of God. You would think people who have seen what these people have seen for three and a half years would fall down on their faces and repent. Instead, they would rather die. Even towards the end of the Great Tribulation, “the rest of mankind, who were not killed by these plagues, did not repent of their murders or their sorceries or their sexual immorality or their thefts” (9:20 and 9:21; see also 16:9 11, 21). Is that amazing? It is because of the way sin hardens the human heart. Soften my heart, Oh Lord.
Escape the coming night Volume 2 48-52
Pharaoh: A bad case of a hard heart (Exodus 5)
Pharaoh is probably the best illustration in the Bible of a person with a hard heart. He thus provides a blueprint for what happens when a person refuses to accept and bend his or her will to the truth of God.
Pharaoh received overwhelming evidence –plague after plague, sign after sign, miracle after miracle–and still refused to let the Israelites go. Even when faced with undeniable evidence of his error. Pharaoh refused to acknowledge that another was greater than he. In the end, his pride and hard-heartedness cost him his army and almost his kingdom.
All of us have stubbornly desired to have things the way we want them, even when our way opposed God’s way. Every time we say no to God, we skirt the edges of rebelling once too often. If we repeatedly say no to God, then like Pharaoh we may develop a hard heart that leads to destruction.
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As I thought about the future and what God's Word said, I got really depressed, because I felt guilty for the way I was living, but then I started thinking about how this experience could play an important part with the story I wanted to tell, which made me feel better about myself. I guess the logic of my thinking was that as long as I was doing things that would have more of an impact on other people, then I could live my life any way I wanted to.
Be happy, young man; while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. (Isaiah 1:5)
The best place to experience complete, natural darkness on planet earth is deep underground in a cave. In that setting totally shut off from the illumination of the sun, there simply is no light. It's one of the few places on earth where “it can't get any darker”
That's not how I experienced darkness in my own personal life. Just when I thought it couldn't get any darker (harder), it did. And then it got darker still. In other words, there always seemed to be a deeper level of trials, disappointments, and yes, even sin.
It’s that latter form of darkness-the darkness of sin-that will plumb new depths during the coming seven-year Tribulation. Just when the inhabitants of planet earth (everyone who was not removed at the Rapture by their faith in Christ) think that the Anti-Christ, couldn't be more cruel…that nature couldn't unleash anymore devastation…that fear and panic couldn't run anymore rampant…that hope couldn't be any more lost-things get worse. Revelation 11:15 – 17:18
Over the years I have explored many caves, and with each cave that I explored I asked myself the same question as I did when I went spelunking with Dave.
“How bad will it be?”
I asked myself this question because I can't picture in my mind what it would have to be like outside of a cave during that time to make people hide in a cave, where the air is stale, and its damp cold and dark.
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ
2 Corinthians 4:16
Every time I am in a cave and I see the light of the sun coming into the entrance of the cave, I get excited because I can't wait to smell the fresh air and to see all the beautiful colors of God's creation. The blue sky, the green grass, the brown trees, the beautiful flowers and the many different colors that come to life after you have been in a cave for any significant amount of time.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 7:3
One day while I was coming out of a cave, I took a picture of the entrance. Then I used that picture to create a deeper meaning of what I like to see when I come out of a cave, but one day it won't be like that, so I ask again
How bad will it be?
As dark as those days are, throughout the Book of Revelation is the reminder that... God is light, in Him there is no darkness at all. 1 John 1:5
All who will turn to His light in Christ will Escape the Coming Night.
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By December I moved back in with my parents because it became too much for me to live under the conditions I was living in, and I was concerned about my health. I also needed to get away from being able to smoke pot all day, because I was smoking more than what I could afford, and I owed people money.
Every day, I had a co-worker hound me for the money I owed him, because I took ownership of his 250XR (ATV) but I never had any money to pay him because I owed my supplier money for spotting me bags of weed throughout the week. The only thing I was able to accomplish while I was living in Fort Ann where two painting I did, which I gave to my brother and my mother on Christmas day.
I ended up quitting my job at Walkers in February 1994 because I had been driving a half an hour to work for two months without any heat and I couldn't take it anymore. I had been thinking about quitting for a while because I was bitter and angry about the way I was treated there, and the fact that I had to move back in with my parents. Even though I got an ear full, from my parents for quitting my job, it was worth not having to get up early in the morning and having to freeze to death, scraping the inside of my window so I could see to drive to work every day.
It was the end of March by the time I got another job working for a independent Contractor clearing out lots and doing foundation work, but it only lasted three weeks because I didn't meet his expectations. My father decided to take away my photography equipment after I got fired because I wasn't spending enough time looking for another job and I owed him money for rent and other bills that he had paid for me.
In April I started working for George Ludwig again (Northern Landscapers) but it was to pay off what I owed him for lending me money to buy a Telescope lens for my Pentax Camera back in March.
In the beginning of May, my mother was really getting on my case, because I was out drinking every night with all my friends at Racheal's house. My friends and I had been hanging out at Racheal’s house, off of Quaker Street ever since she moved back to Granville in the middle of April. Racheal used to date my brother, so it didn't take very long for her house to become party central for my friends and I after she moved in.
I finally got a job towards the end of May working at Bromely Mountain Ski Resort again, but I knew it wasn't going to last very long after I met the guy who replaced my old boss Bill Gordon. And it didn't take long for Pat Gordon to see things weren't going to work out, so he let me go after my second week of working there.
The weeks went by and I still couldn't find a job anywhere. I was getting more into debt and I was getting really discouraged and frustrated.
The frustration led to anger, which caused me to fight more on the weekends when I was out with my friends. I was also experimenting with different drugs, but before the darkness could overtake me, God intervened by changing the direction of my life through the love and support of my parents.
Throughout Revelation, the judgment and darkness are pushed aside, and we get a picture of the love and grace and mercy of God. Such is the picture of verse 19.
Grace-Receiving something that you don’t deserve. Mercy- not receiving something that you do deserve. At the beginning of chapter 11 we were given a picture of the temple, which is to be rebuilt in Jerusalem during the Tribulation. But at the end of chapter 11 we are given a vision of a temple in heaven. The temple was opened, and we are able to look inside while surrounded by lightening, thunder, earthquake, and the great cataclysmic events of the Tribulation, we look into the temple and see the Ark of the Covenant–the symbol of the presence of God. The Ark of the Covenant represented the power of God in the midst of the Jewish people. It was the ark in which the people of Israel followed as they crossed the Jordan River and went into Canaan to claim their inheritance (Joshua 3:11-17)
The ark was symbolic. It represented God’s law, for in the ark were the tablets of the law. It also symbolized God’s sufficiency and provision, for in the ark was the pot of manna collected in the wilderness. And it was also symbolic of God’s life, for it contained the rod of Aaron, which budded (Hebrews 9:4). Every Jew–and remember the Tribulation is a time of God’s dealing primarily with Israel–would understand the implication of the presence of the ark. During the darkness of the Tribulation, the ark represents the certainty of God’s Word, God’s provision, and God’s life. We are reminded by verse 19 that God is always in the midst of the most difficult times in our lives–He even is in the midst of the Tribulation for those who are saved during those days. Men’s hearts will be failing them for fear, but for those show have eyes of faith, they will see the Word, provision, and life of God through the terrible things that are happening. A glimpse into heaven reveals the Ark of the Covenant. His covenant promises are the anchor for the soul of everyone who faces overwhelming circumstances.
In the beginning of July my mother told she was going to move to Watertown NY to live with my father. During the discussion she said as she was laughing, “Since you’re not going to move out, then I am.”
Come to find out my parents had been discussing their plans ever since my father got transferred to another Correctional Facility in Watertown NY when he got promoted to Captain. I was told that I could live in their house and pay rent once I found a job, but I would be responsible for maintaining the lawn for the rest of the summer, keeping the house clean, making sure the snow didn't pile up on the roof in the winter time, and whatever else needed to be done.
Later on in the week I told a friend of mine Jim Evans the news and he asked me if I thought my parents would mind if he could live there too. Jim and I had been hanging quite a bit over the last year, so I didn't think my parents would have a problem with it because my parents knew him pretty well.
I brought it to my mother's attention, and she told me I would have to discuss it with my father when he came home. My mother already told me my father wanted to talk to me about what he expected, so I brought it to his attention while he was going over the rules with me. He agreed to let Jim live there and together we would pay four hundred dollars a month
My mother filled up the refrigerator freezer and cabinets with food, and my father gave me fifty dollars to help me through the rest the week or at least until Friday, because they were coming back home. Then my parents packed up their car Sunday afternoon and went to Watertown NY leaving me in charge.
Over the next couple of days I had a few people over here and there, but I was working for George Ludwig, so I didn't let it get out of hand, and I knew my parents wouldn't approve of what we were doing. Besides they were going to be back on Friday, so I wanted to make sure I was able to get everything done that was expected of me, and I was trying to do what was right.
I managed to get everything back in order by the time my parents got home. The lawn was mowed, and the house was spotless. I was able to put a side a hundred dollars for rent because of all the hours I was putting in at Northern Landscapers. Even though the work I was doing for George was temporary, I wanted to show my parents how much I appreciated everything they were doing for me. My father didn't except the money because I still didn't have a steady job, but it really made my parents happy to see how hard I was trying to do what was right
Before my parents left my father told me that he was very proud of me because he could see I was really putting forth the effort to change the circumstances I was in. Then my mother gave me a big hug and told me to keep up the good work, and then pointed to the kitchen table. I looked over to where she was pointing and saw a letter. I walked over to the table and saw that the letter was addressed to me, so I read it.
I ran over to my father and gave him a big hug. Then I thanked him for everything he had done for me and told him how much I loved him. After I hugged my mother again, my father told me where my camera equipment was. Then I helped them pack up their car and watched them drive away.
The very next day after Jim got home from work, we went out taking pictures, because he was just as excited as I was when he found out I got my camera equipment back. He took an interest in photography on Christmas day after I came to his house and we went out taking pictures in Hebron near his house.
It's a day I will never forget because I was using color film but the photo's we took made it look like I was using b&w film. And the ice on the ground gave the photos a shiny glare like silver look, which made it look like I was using a filter, but I wasn't. I ended up calling the album, the Silver Christmas photos
In the Spring Jim and I were going all over Vermont and Northern NY taking pictures. Jim knew Northern NY really good because he and his brother Scott spent a lot of time there with his father when they were growing up.
After getting the film developed from the first day that Jim and I went out shooting after I got my camera equipment back, I saw a picture I took that I thought was really cool. It became the first picture that I ever got enlarged. The picture was taken at Galespi's tower in North Granville.
I continued looking for a job the rest of the week but before I knew it my parents were already back home.
My sister and her family were also there for the weekend and so wasn't my brother. It was nice to see everyone and to see how happy my mother was because the whole family was back together again.
Saturday afternoon we had a cookout and played bad mitten most of the day. I saw a girl Sharon West, I knew from Poultney the day before, so I invited her, and we had a great time.
On Sunday my mother filled up the refrigerator, freezer and cabinets with food, and my father gave me two hundred dollars to keep me going until they came back home for the Hayward/Curtis family reunion, which was the third weekend in August.
Sharon and I got a long so well that we started spending time together every day. She would drive me all over Vermont, taking me to different places so I could take pictures. We had a great time together, but she loved to party more than what I did.
By August things were getting a little out of control, because people were always at the house and Sharon would bring a twelve pack of beer, bottle of wine or liquor whenever she came over. I didn't mind it at first, but then I started working for my Uncle Glen putting in hay at his farm and it got to be too much, so I had to put a stop to it.
On the last day of putting in hay for my Uncle, my cousin’s stepson Brad came to the farm and asked me if I wanted to sell my 250XR to his Uncle for one thousand dollars. I agreed, so Brad brought me a check for a thousand dollars and his Uncle picked up my ATV at my cousin Clinton's house.
After I finished putting in hay, I cashed the check and I paid off the people who I still owed money too. Then I called up Sharon and we made plans to celebrate by going out to eat and watching a movie.
'Nightmare on Lincoln Street'
The following month.
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